Paul Rudy: Blog en-us (C) Paul Rudy/Twisted Trail Music (Paul Rudy) Tue, 22 Dec 2020 16:07:00 GMT Tue, 22 Dec 2020 16:07:00 GMT Paul Rudy: Blog 114 120 Happy Solstice Convergence Happy Solstice!

InwardGo inward to self-reflect

As I relax after sharing intimate sound healing space with individuals and groups around this solstice and Saturn/Jupiter conjunction, I am grateful for all the people I know shedding skins, weathering upheaval and making changes to re-tune themselves for the coming times. My hat is off to you (you know who you are) for stepping into your courage and bravery to create a new relationship with...well, ALL RELATIONS!

Every year around this time, I get greetings from all over the world from friends, updating me on their families and their past year. So far, they all focus on the amazingness of their family units and kids. I hope wherever you are, that you are connected with a family, friends, community or other support system that helps sustain you regardless of your challenges. May you feel the love and support that many of us on this planet are here to share freely. Absorb it, feel it, breathe it in, and fill up with it!

This year, I made a holiday season greeting, although, at the time, I didn't realize that is what it was. I invite you to reflect on your year, and in particularly, take stock of where you have come, and where you want to go. COVID-19 is a call to go inward and really evaluate what our own individual value system is, and let go of those things that do not align with that value system. I hope you take some time to explore that as a way to tune yourself to the coming time. It will be worth it, I promise.

Peace and well-being to you all!


Solstice Greetings from Harmony Farm

]]> (Paul Rudy) harmony introspection listening quiet solstice values Tue, 22 Dec 2020 16:07:25 GMT
A new time for changing old things For 48 of the past 58 years, I have prepared to go back to school this time of the year. It is a frame that is hard to imagine my life without and one of the reasons my "new year" falls on the Fall Equinox.

It is a digging-in time

and a ramping up.

A revamping of old ideas time.

An "old-dog-new-tricks


Chicken of the woodsThis mushroom grew from the heart of the fallen tree. Generations of forest wisdom were shared through this tasty mushroom!

Nothing need remain the same. Nothing does remain the same. Old mistakes can be made up for, and new directions taken. I hope that who I was will not always be who I am. I know I can change, and often have. Not everyone else allows me to change, but that is their issue, not mine this time. I hope I have the courage to admit fault, to make amends for my past errors. I know I have the grit to re-invent myself, and have done it often. Will you let me become someone new? I will let you.

We expect things to change, and yet, we often hold people to who they were years, even decades ago. We can help each other change simply by allowing them to, and even acknowledging that in them. I hope we can learn to do that with politicians too. What are they demonstrating now in response to new information and new times? How are they addressing and answering what his happening now? Do they address our concerns about how they handled something in the past? If so, then I hope we can move on. If not, then lets keep asking. It is a shame that we expect politicians to hold strong to positions they have had their whole lives. Non of us live in the same world we did when we grew up...when we were young that we are older. I hope we can allow new information to create new ideas and viewpoints, in ourselves, and in others.

It is up to all of us to let old ideas die, not just for those who want to lead. We all must ask: "how can I view this differently" and change they way I view the world." And that is how we lead from the bottom up.

]]> (Paul Rudy) allowing BLM change diversity ideas information listening new yes we can Fri, 21 Aug 2020 14:12:06 GMT
Failure and Courage My social media friend Stephenie Red Feather, author of The Evolutionary Empath, made a post that got me thinking about success and failure, and how our views around that relate to courage.

I'll keep it simple...

Calling something a success or failure is a judgment that i'm not willing to make. Instead, everything is just an experience that I get to process. Yes, things do not come out the way I wanted them to, or thought they would, all the time. I've learned to be fully open in my reception of those outcomes. And because of that, I will often realize I found something new that I could never have expected, predicted, or created without some intervention beyond myself. We can think about these as "accidents" or "divine interventions" or "creativity," some of the many names for the concept of "God" that I grew up with. Either way, they can be expanding if we allow for the new and unexpected stuff they bring!

So it is simple...

I don’t believe thinking in terms of success and failure is productive or helpful. There are only experiences. Courage, to me, is having the presence to respond to those experiences, no matter how challenging, with my full bandwidth of understanding. And when I can be present with whatever outcome is in front of me, then my bandwidth of understanding expands. My encyclopedia grows. My lexicon multiplies. This is how I grow deeper in consciousness. This is how I expand my time here on planet earth. 

peace, paul

Chicken of the WoodsEpic Mushroom City

This epic chicken of the woods mushroom had presented itself before. Never in this much glory and splendor. It was as if the mushroom said "he doesn't seem to notice us yet. So, lets make it impossible for him to miss!" It grew in the heart of the rootball of a giant red oak tree that fell 8 days after doing a ceremony to clear some ancient wounded earth-keeper energy. When I ate this castle, it felt like I was taking in the wisdom of this multi-generational space-holder and guardian, who lays at rest in the heart of Harmony Farm.


]]> (Paul Rudy) Authenticity consciousness courage Creativity empath evolution experience failure Harmony Farm listening Meditation seeing success trees understanding woods Sat, 15 Aug 2020 15:42:39 GMT
The day I buried my head in the sand In the Fall of 1985, I travelled to Nicaragua with Witness for Peace, in protest of the Reagan administrations support of covert operations in Central America. The toppling of governments by the CIA was already well-documented at that point, and as a Mennonite, raised in pacifism, and with many socially and politically active friends, I felt this is how I could do my part. We spent three weeks visiting the countryside, interviewing people effected by the "Contras" and one farmer in particular, who's two sons had been kidnapped to fight for their cause, stood out to me. Given the absence of his sons, we helped him pick his ready crop of corn. Part of Witness for Peace's mission was to literally put blue passport holders on "the front line" to keep Nicaraguans safe. Prior to each trip, the organization would literally call the state department, and describe specifically where we would be, and, to no-one's surprise, the US backed "Contras" would leave that area during our presence. The idea was to use our status as a protective shield with our bodily presence. I was not emotionally equipped to handle any of these encounters. And, while driving away from his farm, in our white bus, I couldn't help but see the compesiños walking along the road literally looking up at us.

Their gazes stung me, and the message clear: I was safe for no other reason than holding a blue passport, and that I was white.

It was so perplexing to me. I was shot through the heart, and my intellect was in chaos. I never understood why this penetrated me so deeply until reading this article by Layla F. Saad on I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy

That experience in Nicaragua is the first time I became aware of my white privilege, and it caused such dissonance in me, that I became like a computer presented with a logic problem and literally freezes.

My upbringing gave me no tools to process this, and so my response was to leave political discourse and burry my head in the sand. My first experience of political activism became my last. And I found many ways to avoid doing any work around that. I got a Master's and Doctorate in music composition. I poured myself into my career. I traveled, wrote about music and film sound, intellectualized and went deeply into my brain. And then, while on a residency in Taos, I discovered sweat lodge and did a vision quest which brought me back into my body even as it connected me with Spirit. This lead me down a deep, metaphysical rabbit hole: one that seemed to hold in high esteem my intellectual abilities. What followed became a relationship with the land that literally saved my life and gave me a purpose far beyond just myself. 

And the bypassing of my difficult experience in Nicaragua, that confronted me with my white privilege, continued in earnest. 

Past one killing of an unarmed black man after another. The 2020 COVID-19 pandemic kept me home on this land, and my head deeper in the sand, feeling like I was doing my part for the raising of the vibration of all of humanity, just by giving to Mother Earth and creating a healing sanctuary where others may visit to go deeper into themselves and feel a relationship with the land.

This was working brilliantly until Goerge Floyd was murdered. Something about his heartless killing triggered something deep in me. After a week of inner searching, I realized I had homework to do. Homework to understand my part in white supremacy and white privilege. I, like much of our country, has been well aware of personal racism, and were pretty self-congratulatory of ourselves when Barak Obama was elected president. And yet, systemic racism lay in the shadows like a festering wound, still unaddressed and un-treated. And I feel like George Floyd's life shouted so loudly that "it is time for me to take a hard look at the systems I had benefited from my whole life, that held others down."

I started here shared by a friend on Facebook: Anti-Racism Resources & Action Items for White People: The Spiritual Bypassing Supplement

There are literally 100's of well-written articles and blogs, some personal experience, and others research-based, describing systemic racism. And this list is a good start, especially for those of us in spiritual and energy healing practices. 

I believe the reason Saad's article resonated with me, is because she relayed her own experience. Not as an expert, which she openly states, but as a human being who also did her own work into spiritual bypassing, even as a person of color. She gave me permission to engage this without being perfect at it. 

While her two part article is aimed specifically at white women, it landed squarely on me too because of all the work I have done around balancing feminine energies, both within myself, and with the land and others. 

My white brothers and sisters, I invite you to start this challenging work if you haven't. Racism has been created by white people, and we are the tacit beneficiaries. Dismantling is our work. I invite you start by reading one article a day, either from the list above, or one you find elsewhere. This is our homework, and the time for procrastination is over. It is time to dig my mind, body and spirit out of the sand, and stand with my brothers and sisters of color by doing something. Active protesting and political activism is still not my sphere. I am an educator. So, starting in the fall, I will be discussing with all of my students "racism in classical (i.e. concert) music and our education systems of music." My homework is leading me into aesthetic racism, colorblind racism in music theory and musicology, cultural appropriation, cultural colonialism, and many other subjects of art through the lens of racism. I encourage you to look at your own field and get creative about how you can bring conversations to your colleagues about systematic racism and white privilege. This is white work. This is our work. 

peace and tough love, paul





]]> (Paul Rudy) blacklivesmatter bypassing Harmony Farm listening nomoreheadinthesand seeing Spiritual white privilege Witness for Peace Mon, 08 Jun 2020 12:00:00 GMT
This Spring's Fever

This Spring's Fever

unlike other years

when things begin living

and sprout blossoming

is sharper.

That feeling of isolation?

when outside life explodes

and life returns

what this

shifting tectonics?

That feeling of quick sand

little stood upon

and impatience, 


backing into womb


Feelings of gestation

social distancing

everyone masking

washing your hands

again plant your feet.


Feelings of uncertainty 

unlike the whether

trending upwards

like a body count

except warmer

All these feelings

places not known

roads travelled les

unfamiliar scenes

going or staying?

All those feelings 





All those things...

Are me!


]]> (Paul Rudy) corona COVID-19 isolation pandemic social distancing virus Tue, 07 Apr 2020 16:04:12 GMT
The children marched on And the children marched on in my dream.

I was a soldier in the best equipped military the world had ever known. We were in Belgium, maybe Holland. There were German soldiers, but they were on the other side of a group of civilians who were all sitting in their lawn chairs facing us. It was as if they were watching to see what we would do. As we advanced, we stayed on the edge of these people. We were very disciplined. None of us were trigger happy, and we were not going to start shooting civilians. At first I was weaving through the people in lawn chairs near the edge. The looks on their face were “we have been through this before and you have no idea what you are doing.” I moved to the edge, because I knew the soldiers on the other side were not using these people as their shields either. On this, both sides agreed.

As we slowly creped, low to the ground, where we knew the other soldiers were, a children’s marching band had formed with all kinds of instruments. They started playing and marching and when they got to the people in lawn chairs, they started marching through them. They were disorganized, as if they had not been trained or coached to do this, but had decided to do it on their own. There were trombones and drums and cymbals, and other instruments too, and the children marched slowly in crooked lines, starting and stopping and in an uneven pace. This children’s band had a choir too! And the crowd began to laugh as they sang. It was not our language, so we couldn’t understand. I did not feel like they were laughing at us, well, maybe at first. After a while I could sense the children were telling a funny story through their song, maybe that these people from a foreign land had heard before. Or they were telling insider stories about past follies of grown-ups. Theirs was a joyful noise, but we were soldiers still intent on our mission: to find and engage the enemy. 

I moved to the side of a road, and a little embankment, thinking that I was going to get gunned down because the other soldiers had moved across the road to ambush us. But they were not there. They were not where our intel had shown they would be, the place where we had even seen them with our own eyes. They were gone. And in their place, as we stood around not knowing what to do, I had a sense that they had made a different choice this time. They had decided not to go down this path again, and had gone home. They took the path less travelled, and did not engage us. I remember thinking: hmm… “they are doing things differently.” We stood around in our state-of-the-art gear and weapons, and did not know where to go or what to do. And on that day, there was no battle. Not a shot was fired and the battle was over and the peace had been won. 

And the children marched on in their makeshift band. Spreading their laughter wherever they went. 

Many paths convergecreated by dji camera

]]> (Paul Rudy) a new way Children Creativity listening marching band Meditation Music Peace Thu, 26 Mar 2020 13:24:04 GMT
I love my story I never reached the end of the woods, at the end of the street where we lived in Smithville, Ohio. Still, to this day, that home is amongst my favorite of the many places I have lived. The house, which had all the bedrooms along one side, was huge and open from kitchen to living room, except for a see-through fire place in the middle. It was surrounded by trees, and had a steep hill leading down to Sugar Creek. Across the creek was the town park. Huge by my child's sense of proportions. I love the feeling of space and openness of the park, especially after coming out of the woods. There was something coddling about immersion in trees, and something freeing about coming out of them and into the open park.

Parkview Drive, Smithville, Ohio

Decades later, the first time I walked what would become Harmony Farm in NE Kansas, my bones felt a kinship with this place in Ohio where so much of my adult life and pursuits were staged, including music and adventure. There is a pavilion in those woods now, but back in the early 70's, it was only uninterrupted trees. A big oak tree that dad had hung a tire swing from, and the huge 6 person tree house he had built next to it, was the edge, beyond which wildness expanded. 

Looking at it now, it seems pretty small. Yet that playground is where I learned to love the sound of leaves on the ground in the fall. We played in piles of them, built snow forts, and wandered endlessly. I say we, but in reality, I spent a lot of time doing these things by myself, alone in the woods. I remember a few times I pushed beyond my farthest point, but I never did find the outer limit to the East of these woods. Like the cloaked figures in Shyamalan's The Village, I rarely ventured past my self-created perimeter, and the few times I did, distinctly remember that pit in the bottom of my stomach that comes when I think or dream of falling. 

Remember to be present, especially with large objects.

We spent hours in Sugar Creek and the park. We had a rock path we made to get across without getting wet. One day while working on it, I picked up a stone too big for my little body, and when i set it down (dropped it?), split two fingers wide open. I remember seeing this weird inside-stuff broiling out of two jagged tears in my finger tips. I had to get stitches, and to this day, still have the reminders. That experience didn't stop me from doing this work though.

Nearly 50 years later, I am still doing it at Harmony Farm. My Sun Temple has 42 erect standing stones, gathered from the property.

Sun Temple

The Moon Temple has a 2,000 pound heart stone in it's center. And a stacked stone Inuksuk stands as an iconic guardian at the entrance to my property.

Moon Temple
Inuksuk Guardian

There are countless other stones I have moved around the place, and my relationship with them is, and will always be special, and it all began with that stone in Sugar Creek that taught me respect. A few years ago, I got my fingers caught between a large paving stone, brought from the creek, and the bed of my Kawasaki Mule. To this day, my left index finder still isn't quite as nimble as it could be. Every so often a stone reminds me to be present and collaborate with them rather than just try to man-handle them. I recently moved a few hundred pound Sioux Quartzite. I just picked it up and walked it about 50 feet. My equilibrium felt twisted for a while, but my body loves this kind of work. And more importantly, the healing properties of Sioux Quartzite are now in the right place helping to ground and anchor my house. 

On my vision quest outside of Taos, NM, I lay belly down on a large table stone in the middle of my prayer-tie circle. I asked the stone why it was so hard. It's answer was clear and surprising: "I am not so much hard, as I am infinitesimally slow compared to you humans." The next deep breath I took seemed to actually sink into the stone. Suddenly, I felt like it was I, and not the stone, who was the hard one. And when I take the time to slow down to the speed of stone, we do wonderful things together. They reveal their inner secrets, and actually help me move them.

A few years back, I smashed a stone with a sledge hammer. It took hundreds of blows. I did this because, when James Jared of Stardreaming outside of Santa Fe New Mexico told me the story of how there is information stored in stones that it is now time for them to release, this stone cried out loudly to me from my property in Kansas. Inside when the stone finally broke, I found a small crystal. Like an ancient computer chip. There was only one, and it was free to give what it had stored for millions of years. The rest of the pieces now line the inner circle of my labyrinth, setting a powerful a sacred energy, held by this stone that gave all of itself. 

Boulder library Crystal chip released

Harmony Farm Labyrinth

I have connected with so many stone people over the years. In my first "spiritual portal," near my 2,000 year old Bristlecone Pine Grandmother, amazing sentinels stand watch over a community that dates back millions of years. For years I made a pilgrimage to this place, and still go there often in my mind. It is a special place. 

God's Finger, Pikes Peak, CO Balanced Rock, Pikes Peak, CO

Grandmother Bristlecone (11,000 ft, ca. 2000 years old)

Everywhere I go, I am drawn into collaboration with stones, rocks, and minerals. They have much to teach a willing student, child and adult alike. Some teachings leave scares, while others heal. 

Spider rides dragonfly


]]> (Paul Rudy) adulthood Authenticity childhood Kansas Lawrence listening Meditation sacred space Stones trees woods Fri, 17 Jan 2020 17:47:10 GMT
Saved by our Mother I have spent the last 10 years, and especially since moving onto the land, tracking the moon and sun cycles. I've been closely listening to the energy of the environment I live in, and learning from it. For me, there are optimal times to plant the seeds of my life changes, to water, grow, and expand them, and other times to take a break and draw inward letting them germinate. During the winter months In the northern hemisphere, the Earth is dormant, and has drawn all its resources into low-use mode. It is a time of rest. January 1, 11 days after the Winter Solstice, the Sun lacks potency as it veers South, even while being closest to the Earth. The energy here on the land is dipping towards its lowest. All the plants and animals know it. There is a similar period in July here, after the Summer Solstice, where things slow down drastically and take a break before the harvest explosion in August and September. During winter time, there are no feasts outside, except when some poor creature dies. There is no ostentatious wasting, or decadent displays of wealth: only conservation.

Meanwhile, humans participate in one of the most resource-wasting consumer orgies leading into this time. The 25th is another strange choice of a day. The time from the winter solstice through the 1st of our calendar year is a strange time. New Years resolutions are centered around bold decisions to make big changes in lives where there is literally NO support from our planetary systems for the success of these ideas. Seeds are planted in the fall and subject to the expansion and contraction of freezing, but little else. A huge amount of human energy is wasted trying to make big changes on January 1st. It coincides with nothing except a void of energy, and thus, many of these resolutions are doomed to failure. There are better times for this kind of change. Take the Chinese, for example, whose New Year corresponds with the start of a new moon cycle. That makes a lot more sense. 

Winter Sun Temple

Time is a strange thing. Our solar cycle is 365 days 5 hours 48 minutes 46 seconds long, and our lunar cycle is 27 days, 7 hours and 43 minutes. There is an 11 day difference between our solar and lunar years, meaning that they only coincide every 33 or so years. So coming up with a calendar that accurately reflects that is going to be approximate by definition. My point is not what we call it, my point is what we choose to do with it, and how out of synch it is with the rest of creation energy. 

I went about reconciling my life with these cycles a decade or more ago. It became clear to me that Spring Equinox made more sense as the start of the year.  After I moved to the land in 2011, I began to witness newness exploding in the woods at that time. The energy is frenetic, and there is plenty to go around, making it an ideal time to try to shift things in my life. In the Fall of 2017, I realized that Spring was 180 degrees out of phase with my own energy cycle. And so Fall Equinox has become my "new years day" which I later learned was when the Egyptians and other Mesopotamian cultures celebrated it also. The harvest is in its fullness, and resources are stocked up. Perhaps that's why Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite days of the year. It is a good time to give thanks for the generosity of the Earth. After that, I'm in the cave of conservation, and these other Gregorian holidays barely register. I sing a lullaby to the woods every winter solstice, and give Her quiet time until Early March. I watch the buzz around me and feel nothing for it.  These celebrations feel so misplaced to me when the shadows are long, and the days short. And I can't help but feel that celebrating the new year on January 1st is one of the silliest things humans have ever invented. It is for me at any rate. 

Long shadow days

Perhaps this was an orchestrated disconnect from Earth energies to create a culture of servitude to religious or even scientific zealotry. Regardless of why this came into being, it has been successful in completely severing our sensitivities to Earth energies. That is why I have been on a quest to find what resonates with me, not just at January 1st, but all throughout the sun cycle. I hope you find your resonance too!

]]> (Paul Rudy) Cycle Earth Energy Equinox harmony listening Moon Solstice Sun Winter Fri, 03 Jan 2020 16:36:55 GMT
Today is the first day of the rest Today was the first day in as long as I can remember, that I was actually happy to wake up! Waking up for me, and getting out of bed, has been lethargic and painful for decades. What's changing? Well, for starters, I have a mantra on my bathroom mirror that says "start each day with gratitude and sound meditation." I have done that. I have also been working with amazing healers who have helped me adjust past, present and future contracts I've agreed to. These are the things that have helped me become fully aware, sentient and present in this human body. Anything short of that for me, is spiritual and emotional by-passing. I came here on a mission, and all the challenges, hardships and pain have been my greatest teachers. 

In the past few months, with the addition of a spider web to the West wing of the Dragon Fly in the Prairie Temple, I've completed my part in an alien experiment (that's a longer story...). I have grounded my house, which was at odds with the Earth, and integrated it into all the energy and magic of the land. I have changed the orientation of the "Star Gate" into the woods, to align with my house, and I have cleared the land, and it's protective dome, of all those objects, threads, and connections that are not of the highest benefit to myself, the land, and those that come here. 

The Dragonfly now carries a spider on her back!

For the first time in my adult life, my jaw doesn't crack like waking on thin ice when I open my mouth. Both of my knees, which had been feeling like they were falling apart, are solidifying, and stabilizing, as is my left shoulder. My cracked heal of 3 decades is also healed, and for the first time during a shamanic breath work session, I felt the power of my Dan T'ien. It was like a thousand volts running through my body with a concentrated ball in my lower abdomen. 

Cassiopean Passover

The biggest difference, however, comes from my body self-talk. For years I have focused on what is wrong and what is not feeling good. And now, I'm encouraging my body, telling it how well it is doing, and how amazing it is! I'm complimenting it, coaxing it, and coaching it with thoughts of what we both want: ease, comfort and flexibility. I'm giving it what it needs, which is my clearest, and most focused intention to get, be, and stay well. I know my body is created to do this! And we are doing it together! 

I wrote a work for my UMKC Conservatory faculty colleague JoDee Davis on trombone called Awaken! It is no surprise that two years after it was written, she is rehearsing the piece for a commercial recording. For the past decade, I have felt like I do my best work while i'm asleep, when my mind can't interfere. Now it is time to start doing my best work when I am awake! And waking up with joy in my heart and body, is a great place to start!

Awaken! Score

]]> (Paul Rudy) aliens Body Dan t'ien Dragonfly Harmony Farm Healing Kansas Kansas City Lawrence Listening Meditation Mind Music Shamanic Breathwork Spiderweb Spirit stargate temple trees woods Mon, 16 Dec 2019 17:27:20 GMT
In all relations It takes a village

I have long felt that Mystery, Intuition, Creativity, Imagination, Spirituality, Inspiration, Magic, and Authenticity are all different names for what we think of as "God." Watching the land over the nearly 8 years I have been here has deepened this notion for me, because I see it in action, and experience it every day. Franciscan priest and mysticism rebirther Richard Rohr, in The Center for Action and Contemplation Newsletter: The Mendicant, Vol. 9, no. 3takes inspiration from St. Bonaventure (13th Century), who taught that "The Creator's supreme power, wisdom, and benevolence shine forth through all created things."  This stands in direct contrast with our anthropomorphizing of "God" in our own image, downsizing this tremendous creative power, in one of the greatest spiritual coups of all time. A force that is literally incomprehensible from our perspective, was packed in a box by the 18th Century Church, that is small, petty and cheap, just like us humans and what we produce for short term control and monetization. In one of the greatest ironies of humanity, instead of God making us in its image, we have remade god in our own...

Rohr challenges us to re-expand our notion of God by applying St. Bonaventure's concept literally:

"Don't start by trying to love God, or even people. Love rocks and elements first, move to trees, then animals and then humans. Angels will soon seem like a real possibility and God is then just a short leap away."

He also expands our small notion of time, a byproduct of cheapening the expansive creation we occupy:

"God did not just start talking to us with the Bible or the church or the prophets. Do we really think that God had nothing at all to say for 13.7 billion years, and started speaking only in the latest nanosecond of geological time? Of course not; the radiance of the Divine Presence has been glowing and expanding since the beginning of time, before there were any human eyes to see or know about it." 

Sun Temple

The implications of this are staggering to our "small enlightened minds..." Just like scientists discovered that the Sun does not, in fact, rotate around the Earth, so now, Rohr is helping us understand that we are NOT the center of creation, nor our ability to think, the pinnacle achievement of it. The modern notion of "enlightenment" was the biggest scam in the history of humans. It was the moment when our rational minds joined in war against our mystical experience, and the church choose to pull the wool over our eyes to maintain power.

I have practiced expanding my notion of God long before reading Rohr's perspective on it. During my vision quest, I laid on a rock, which spoke to me when it recognized that I had finally slowed down enough to hear its language. A lizard couple danced and played in a way that showed me their language of love. Hummingbird sent me regular messages, just through its presence and actions. By the end of those three days up on the hill, I was ready to see that wonder in people, and angels came to visit too. I knew I had been with God, and I could finally see that in all relations. It is so refreshing to hear someone like Rohr, from within the crumbling edifice of Christianity, also expanding their notion of God. Perhaps there is hope for religion after all. His voice is getting stronger, and resonating far and wide.

Today on this new moon, I redouble my efforts to connect with this land and learn all about God from it. It has so much to offer, and has been my salvation. It is why I build spaces to honor Her and the rest of my relations. The origin of generosity and giving is the Earth and that is why She is my Spiritual Messiah.

Dirt is medicine

]]> (Paul Rudy) Authenticity Creation Creativity Imagination Inspiration Intuition Magic Mystery Richard Rohr Spiritual Messiah Spirituality St. Bonaventure Fri, 30 Aug 2019 13:23:31 GMT
A new scripture written by trees A friend tagged me on a social media post of this poem by Pir Elias Amidon.

I have already accomplished much of this on my land, through building physical spaces to honor the energies of the land. So I thought I would try to make it in sound!

"We need a new religion around here
with words unstained by blood and institutions,
and ways to lift our heads and sing
without a male god listening.

We need a scripture written by trees
and by the sounds of water in the running brooks,
a faith revealed by the light of dawn
and prayers to say in the evening mist.

Come, let’s drag enormous rocks
and upend them in a circle, and learn there
to move again in time to sacred rhythms."











The opening ohm is from a whirling dervish performance at Sultan Han in Central Turkey and the prayer chant is from the Mevlana Museum in Konya, Turkey, the resting place of Rumi. The cricket is from Chaco Canyon, and the creek from Canyon de Chelly. You can hear the sound of a bee hive and the Cassini space probe crossing the rings of Saturn. There is even the morse code blessing "The universe is filled with the mystery. Seek the divine golden light of the highest common good."
 And wind blows through a distant valley against the tops of trees. Not bad for 3 hours of work in the middle of the night. 

Below are some photos of this beautiful poem, reflected in what I have built on my land Harmony Farm.

]]> (Paul Rudy) blessing Circle Electronic Harmony Farm listening Mevlana Music New Religion Prayer rhythm rocks Rumi sacred Scripture Sky Sultan Han Trees Tue, 13 Aug 2019 12:35:43 GMT
A grammar of harmony Harmony may be something totally different than what you think it is.

Harmony is not always pleasant.

It may feel really uncomfortable, 

sounding a lot like dissonance.

It might be clunky, or awkward, or weird. 

It may resonate or not...

It may feel familiar, or distant.

It might penetrate us or be repelled.

It may not be notes that work together,

colors that compliment,

smells that jell,

or tastes that integrate.

It may not even be something I like.

New Age spirituality and music often feels like an attempt to seduce me into inertness. Some call it "spiritual bypassing." This superficial view of harmony: that something need be be whole, complete, and cohesive to be in harmony misses the real potency of what the act of harmonization can be. I'm looking for spiritual "off-gassing!" That place where I am confronted with things that I am uncomfortable with, where there is a pressure to grow and evolve.

At a much deeper level, harmonization is my ability to respond to life by accessing the full bandwidth of my experience, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, regardless of external circumstances. It is next-level consciousness that does not depend on a grid of right and wrong (3D/3F survival consciousness of fight, flight or freeze-and I often add "fuck" to make it a 2 bit equation!), but rather how I choose to move forward from a place or experience with maximal imagination and creativity at my disposal. Harmonizing with something allows me to see and feel its nuances, subtleties and complexities, and choose how best to move forward for whatever outcome I, and others, desire. Harmony is being present, no matter how I feel emotionally or physically in a situation, and integration is the goal.

Follow these simple steps to practice harmonization:

1) Breathe! This brings us back into our bodies.  

2) Ask questions: What is needed here? What is my part in moving forward? etc. How can I harmonize this situation and reach a deeper understanding?

3) Act upon whatever comes up, and move forward from a grounded and more creative space into a new and richer place.

Happy practicing!


]]> (Paul Rudy) Harmony Integration listening Meditation Sound Wisdom Thu, 18 Jul 2019 14:54:05 GMT
Your own master Light and Dark

A bunch of white guys declare:

Independence for All, from inbred tyrants

a 5th into drunkenness

only to become black tyrants 

drunk with their own

a hangover of force juice.

4th juice, taking what they want

piss on everything else.


Zeaoltry is a pawndom of both light and the dark

zealots, the slaves of good and evil

foot soldiers on both sides

groping at a master's ideal,

but the devil's in the details. 

Blindness: his broken old tool.

A tyrant thinks not of others

and a slave, only of his master.


They gave their life

they say in defense

they made the ultimate sacrifice

those others weigh in too.

They paid it for you, and me

Give us your tired and poor

unless they don't look, think or act like us.

Then fuck them!

We'll take their life.


And not those black folks

or immigrants neither,

They can go back where they came from

or better yet, rot in jail.

We don't want them

cause we got ours

and we don't share...

Madonna with Child

Christ knew freedom,

yet we keep killing him too

over and over and over again...

The Devil gets nothing without god.

no heaven without hell...

no green without nuance 

no Buddha dreams of color.

Its how I know this shit's real...

But gray is the most color in our brain

and only Grace saved her, and she hymn.

Awakening from force

stepping into Her full power,

SHE reigned miracles like drops of healing rain

from thawed old gray skies

unclouding more rainbows

than could be counted.

Only then could dreams became true.






]]> (Paul Rudy) Buddha Christ Freedom God Hate Independence Love Master Nirvana Slavery Fri, 05 Jul 2019 12:19:19 GMT
The basement Dark lodge
In my shadow

there is a basement

so dark

so terrifying

claustrophobic enclosure, growing, constricting


no light penetrates that basement

that does not start from within

from the center of my being

a dim spark to camp fire

begins to warm and dry

tears sweated from its foundation


how could I embrace you

dark basement

shall I use my ears

will my heart be of use

what about my feelings

are these the tools of remodel?


a new coat of paint will not do

it is time to brick and mortar

solidify those chinks,

better yet: tear them down completely!

Tomb becomes room, 

and room into house.


Spelunking there

can I expect others to meet too?

Do you see?

I see me

I would like to meet you there,

to share our basement stories, 

someday, in life's attic.

Little bangIn the atticLittle bang


]]> (Paul Rudy) Basement Growth Shadow Spelunking Spiritual Thu, 04 Jul 2019 15:11:43 GMT
New moon solar eclipse... You sliver you

I want to control the stars

and not let them control me.

Gravitational forces...pshah

The tides have a mind of their own

especially when battered by the storm. 

That counterpoint sliver moon, over me

eclipsing the sun?

No way.


That silver moon is an illusion

dancing and prancing with that shit-eating grin one week

and a pregnant belly the next.

Still, there she is.

Is it that time of the month...



You relentless now clock.


What the fuck does it mean anyway:

"life is an illusion?"

Give me a break...

spiritual parlor tricks I say.

I wash the dirt, and sweat, and blood off of my soul daily.

My body too.

So here we go...grabbing on to nothing again

Goddamn queens of denial.

Imagine THIS arrogant bitches:

bam, slice, crack, smack, coo, ah, yes, more, less,

trampling herd...

Silver sliver

Imagine, if I controlled the moon!

What then? 

I reckon I'd still be malcontent...

Wooden eyes...still seeing what they want.

"Listen up you Sun!"



now THERE'S some truth!


No one gets out alone.

Not me, not you, them, they or those too.

No quarter

Not wry

No, no, no

Make no mistake!

What if this IS all i really know?


Then YES.

maybe that's the only way to go. 

And whether she controls me, or I her,

there's no way to know


Maybe that's not the point 

in this sometimes reckless tugo' war,

this tango slam dance

this sometimes unwelcome penetration. 

I hold on...

to something that fits like a glove...

Occasional grace

and sometimes

in the end

it's really hard

to know what to love.

Grab on to nothing


]]> (Paul Rudy) Tue, 02 Jul 2019 12:57:26 GMT
I will be your tether Creation


Are you ready?

For generations, we have tried to match the blood of her life-creation through warfare. But we can not equal that power. We can only hold space for it, watch in wonder, and give her what she needs to birth life itself. All the magic and wisdom of our inner Odin, unleashed, is sorely needed at this time. 

What does it mean to hold space for she who runs with the wolves?

It can be stunning, shocking, severe, glorious, beautiful, dark, chaotic and graceful, all at the same time.

What is our unique gift to her as she re-wilds?


Rebirthing is not ours to make. Only She knows how, and here is what is asked of the Divine Masculine for the Divine Feminine:

1) Create safety for her

2) Be present WITH her

3) Observe her without judgment

4) Be witness to, and honor ALL that you experience with her

5) Be the tether She needs! 


She wants to fly! And only when we are holding space, can she do that freely and safely. We provide a tether back to the physical dimension, so she can soar higher than imaginable, and not get lost! We help her remember to return to us after shape-shifting into any and every manifestation of creation, both light and dark. When we are that firm, loving, and compassionate tether, we remind her that it is OK to come back to this Earth: that she is valued here, and that we cherish the gifts she brings back from the wilderness. And gifts she will bring. Inventions and creations of spirit that have never been known are ours. She has access to the womb of the Universe, and our access is gifted through Her. 

Be prepared to get burned, scratched, and a little bruised. It is a small price to pay for the magic and mystery that she brings home to us. And in her flying, we may find our own unique and true power. She will need many assurances that it is safe to live and speak her truth of these experiences. The key to the depths of her soul is attainable for us, but ours is the burden of proof. We must create and maintain this trusting space for her. 

Stand tall: warrior brothers. This is our gift in the coming transformation, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. She is ready! Are you?

Pot of gold




]]> (Paul Rudy) creation dark fly freedom light re-wilding safety trust womb Wed, 26 Jun 2019 13:46:23 GMT
Lost things found stories Your polished self...

is no good to me, or anyone else.

Your "give what I think others want to see" self.


There are already too many Reps bungling the world

mungling, rambling, rumbling fakery about.

Put that shit on the expired shelf...better yet, throw it out.


Move towards what makes you radiate

out into the world,

bust out your uncontainable "do what you need to do" self.

Be true: and unto you, sprout. 

The real you, the messy you, the "first thing in the morning crazy hair" too...

Get down from the observatory and smash that conservatory.

Preservatory be damned. Fuck the establishmentory...

Here's what I want:

you running wild: a mustang flag unfurled

returning to your "lost things you have found" stories.

Covered in mud, maybe even a little blood.

Home from "I remember that" quarries

in uncharted territories.

Go make some "let's blow some shit up" stories

In your "this life is mine" laboratory.


Be good to yourself:

free spirited incarnate.

Feeling messy clear fluidity,

and in all your glory!


Run with the wolves



]]> (Paul Rudy) Feminine Found Freedom Lost Mud Rewilding Run Wilding Tue, 25 Jun 2019 13:08:00 GMT
Convergence Architecture of a single breathArchitecture of a single breathPhotograph of a single breath on Halloween Night, 2014













Dissonance is a surface-level experience. 

Harmonization is the deeper integration of those experiences that feel initially uncomfortable.

And judgment is the technique we have learned so well to avoid that integration-to push it aside. 

It is a wall that we put up to justify alienation and isolation.


Harmonization invites recalibration. It takes practice.

Seeing and hearing differences as harmonics

rather than separations.

Convergence over divergence.


There are no sounds in nature that do not belong

only degrees of resonance.

Practicing harmonization is the act of experiencing without judgment, and responding with our full bandwidth of understanding and wisdom. 

Resonance is our deeper level potential.


]]> (Paul Rudy) Dissonance harmonics Harmony Integration listening music sound Spiritual Messiah spiritual practice Fri, 21 Jun 2019 13:14:09 GMT
Many names Many names

Language makes everything smaller

especially experiences it tries to capture.

It is a cage, a cauffin

a diversion from sensation.

It is the map that can never represent a fullness of terrain. 

It is a lie, pretending truth.

Take care not to be ensnared by its illusions.

Many names






]]> (Paul Rudy) Thu, 20 Jun 2019 10:52:17 GMT
Spiritual Messiah: My relationship with Mother Earth I am alive today, because SHE helped me find reason to live.
Spiritual MessiahThe Earth is my Mother

I am whole today, because SHE showed me what wholeness looks like.

I am healed today, because SHE modeled how to rebuild myself from nothing. 

I am complete today, because SHE demonstrates every day, and in every season, holistic balance.

I hear life in my whole body today, because SHE witnesses to me of harmony and flow in everything She does.

I am fulfilled today, because SHE gives me tasks to dream about and focus on.

I am curious today, because SHE teaches me something new every day.

I am strong today, because SHE shows me how to be flexible, and bend in the wind without breaking.

I am free today, because SHE shows me how to live without judgement of myself or others. 

I am happy today, because SHE shows me how to flow with what is.

I am wealthy today, because SHE is constantly giving freely of her abundance.

I am am ALIVE today, because after watching her, I know what it means to be alive!

Dual Spirit Medicine WheelThe circle of life is complete.

My Spiritual Messiah IS Mother Earth and all Her Relations.

This blog is for me, and you, to share experiences we have had at Harmony Farm or another special place. It is about building a reciprocal relationship with Mother Earth: giving and receiving in equal measure. For everything taken, something is given in return. For every experience with Her, gratitude grows exponentially, and that lubricates generosity and life. Please email me your stories to be included!

The Earth is my shelter, I shall not want.
I lean on Her green pastures as She speaks through quiet waters that restore my soul.
She shows me the high road that serves all.
And even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of stress, I fear no upheaval, for She is always there to rest upon.
My fear is not believable when you are with me and I with you. Your sod and tree, they comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of what's believable before my very eyes.
You wash my head with rain as your brother the skies overflow.
Goodness and love flow from you to me all the days I am here.
And in your comfort I will dwell for now and ever.
Paulms 23 (August 15, 2016)


]]> (Paul Rudy) #Alive #Being #Earth #Gratitude #Healing #Mother #Reciprocation #SpiritualMessiah Fri, 17 Aug 2018 15:10:36 GMT
I spent the weekend with fire This Memorial Weekend I was fire keeper for the 27th annual Kansas City Pipe Circle's Stone Dance outside Kansas City. I have received initiation by fire through a couple of experiences. The first was in 2010, when I went to Franklin, NC to help a friend with some ceremonial work on her property. In doing our research, we visited the Nikwasi Mound in Franklin. It is a relatively nondescript bump in the topography between a highway and a street right in town. While I sat in meditation on top of the mound, my inner vision exploded with bright red, orange and yellow billowing flames, as if coming up through my hands on the mound, and into my body. It was cathartic. A "knowing" that I was being given fire. And not just any fire, but the fire that was needed for the very ceremony we were planning. It was an old Cherokee fire that those in that area who were brutally massacred by the British in 1760 and '61, and who were ready to pass over, would recognize. I knew my job was to make and keep a sacred fire, a key component of our two-person ceremony, and now I had what was needed to accomplish it in the right way. You can read about that ceremony, which taught me to listen in many new ways beyond my ears, in Toby Evans' book Dead But Not Gone: Are You Part of the the Soul-Bridge to Guide them Home? (chapter 25: A Good Red Road). Six weeks after this experience I was asked to tend fire for the first time, at a sweat outside Taos, New Mexico, for the lodge where I had done my vision quest earlier that summer. March through August of 2010 was my Homeric Odyssey, leading up to my Fellowship at the American Academy in Rome for a year. And fire was a huge part of the initiation.

In the summer of 2012, after moving to Harmony Farm, I had a very different experience with fire. For six weeks systemic poison ivy, heat stroke, sunburn, fever, and sun stroke literally burned through my body. This was another initiation into fire: a demonstration of what happens when it is not balanced with the other elements. While that was intense, I am grateful for the understanding that came with experiencing this element so intimately and unmistakably. And since that time, I have had numerous opportunities to learn about working with fire from both experience, and wisdom shared by elders. Prairie burns are one of the most powerful experiences for working with the sentient intelligence of fire, and its power to purify and renew the land.

FireheartBurning the prairie-photo by Mitch Kauffman

I have sponsored a dancer, and tended fire before at Stone Dance, so I know the setting well. Every fire is unique, with it's own energy: sometimes needing to be tamed, and other times coaxed and coddled. This one proved no different. From the moment I lit it thursday afternoon, to it's completion Sunday morning, it's intention was clear. I have learned to discern fire's intention through its temperament, especially when created in a ceremonial way. And the temperament of this fire was clearly feminine. I did not know before now, that fire could burn with feminine energy. I thought it was always on the masculine side of the spectrum. This fire taught me different. It taught me that everything, regardless of its form, and how it predominantly presents itself, can have balance in its expression and temperance. The fire burned evenly and with steadiness. No matter how much wood I put on it, it never burned high for long. After a very short period, it would settle in to small flames even with big piles of wood. These flames never reached out in a hungry way for human flesh, as some fires do. It was steady, dependable, and even-keeled. The heat, however, was deceptively deep and strong. While the flames rarely reached out, the heat was intense at the core of the fire, no matter how much wood there was. The sun, our life-source-fire, showed me His feminine side in December of 2014, and now fire was showing me that side of himself too. Fire is a great teacher. An urgent teacher. An elemental teacher.

Lady LibertarianLady LibertarianLady Libertarian-the feminine side of our masculine Sun

The vision quest leading in to this Stone Dance, revealed that part of what this year's dance was about was the balancing of the masculine and feminine energies. I pursue the same balancing work at Harmony Farm, so it was evident why I was being called to tend the fire for this dance. Every moment of the weekend, my dance with this fire demonstrated the clear and subtle "power" of feminine energy, rather than the often misguided and imbalanced "force" of masculine energy we see so much in the world today. Perhaps the biggest lesson, among the hundreds I received, is to be wary of stereotypes in any situation. If I only view the obvious, external aspects of something, I risk missing the subtlety of expression that makes it balanced and whole. If I project too much of my past experience onto something familiar, I may miss seeing its entirety. What a beautiful lesson of the feminine principle in action. I am grateful for this powerful and subtle demonstration on my road to harmonizing balance between the elements and energies of physical and energetic expression! My job of listening deeply expands the more I practice it, and my ability to see and listen becomes richer, and more subtle as my bandwidth of understanding core principles of life deepens! I have experienced the surface of fire often. Now I feel like I have experienced His balanced, subtle and complex depth, which includes the feminine principle as well. And this is my Leo sun-sign mission as life's practice.

Long life

Honey in the heart

Everything in balance

13 Thank-yous

]]> (Paul Rudy) ceremony dance listening meditation prayer sacred fire Mon, 28 May 2018 14:29:30 GMT
Becoming my own inner King There are so many ways I choose to give my power away, and make no mistake...our society tries every trick in the book to encourage me to do that. As Greg Tamblyn makes clear in songs on his CD Whiny Victim Love Songs, we are given so many messages that we are not in control of our feelings, and thus, our lives. There are lots of new songs, though, that are sending a different message, and I think humans are starting to get it: that what we put our thoughts and words on, becomes our reality. In the age of Pieces, the bringers of darkness learned how to master this manifestation, and wreak havoc upon humanity and the Earth. Now, us bringers of the dawn are learning how to do that too, in equal measure. And a big part of it is learning to create our inner world in the likeness of what we want to see in the outer world: peace, compassion, acceptance, balanced harmony, motion and care for all relations. The only way for me to bring that about, is to start inside. But you know that already.

I have an addiction. It's called Facebook, and every day my giving into it demotes me back to my own inner peasant. A growing body of research shows that social media is as addictive as any substance, that causes spikes of oxytocin and dopamine in our brain. The more we get, the more we want. The biggest challenge for me staying present lately, is constantly checking Facebook. And it's even worse...I am not only checking to see whose liked my stuff, but also if specific people have like it. This is really creepy...It's like monitoring my life to see if the right people are paying attention to me. An absurd futuristic extreme of this can be seen in the episode Nose Dive (season 3 #1) of Black Mirror. In the future people are so obsessed with their online ratings, based on who likes their posts, that they are willing to go to any lengths to get these "likes." There is good news, but I won't spoil it. Watch it for yourself. 

So, today, I started ascending back to my throne, by deleting the Facebook app from my phone. I found myself incessantly checking it. It was like a drug. So, the best way to keep from binging on this false high, is to not  least not have it constantly accessible in my pocket. I do this with food too. I am challenged by binging on sweets and carbs, so I don't keep them in the house. When I do have them, they are a real treat. 

As a recovering recluse, I have enough challenge interacting with real people in the world, and so I don't need...don't want... Facebook further encouraging me to stay home alone 24/7, when I do want to connect with real people when the time is right. 

There are many positive aspects of Facebook and social media. And I embrace those. If I have an addiction with them, then it is my fault, not theirs. So, to become my own inner sovereign, it's time for me to look inside at what is missing, and find something real to fill it with. Or better yet, leave that space open for magic to happen. And as my throne grows, I become a magnet for all that I desire in life. Facebook can't give me that, but the land can, and real people too. So, I look forward to meeting you out in the streets, in the cafe, or the woods, or coffee shop. Let's stop and chat for a while and share some air molecules. 

peace, paul



]]> (Paul Rudy) #inner #king #me #owning #sovereignty harmony farm listening meditation Mon, 16 Apr 2018 18:33:27 GMT
Summer Opportunities Upcoming Summer Events

I have so many wonderful things happening this summer in Lawrence, Kansas City, Ohio, Michigan and Kansas City!

Art Opening, June 30, 2017 Final Friday Photograpny Merkaba Wellness Center and Spa

841 New Hampshire, Lawrence, Kansas 66044

Moon Celebration and Meditation, July 7, 2017, 7-9PM

with pixies

Music and Healing, Heart of the Dove KC

4327 Troost Ave, Kansas City, Missouri 64110

Rootwire, 2017, Workshop and Performances

July 20-23, 2017

Rootwire Fest

Harmony and Horses

July 29/30, Cannington, Ontario Canada

Divine Pine Gathering

Own and Hone your Energy

Dr. Timir Bhakta and Dr. Paul Rudy

Own and Hone your Energy

August 19, 1-5 PM

Heart of the Dove KC

4327 Troost Ave, Kansas City, Missouri 64110

]]> (Paul Rudy) Art City Events Festival Kansas Land Lawrence Meditation Music Ohio Paul Performance Photography Rootwire Rudy Transformation Workshops divine gathering horses listening moon pine Sun, 25 Jun 2017 16:02:41 GMT
Photography Opening at the Midland Railroad Hotel rudyrudy

I have seen through the camera lens all my life, but only recently started capturing things that really intrigue my imagination! On Halloween night of 2014, on a cold, moonlit walkabout, I began taking photos on my property at Harmony Farm in northeast Kansas. Photos of the night sky, sometimes with the moon as a backdrop, began revealing many different kinds of orbs, shapes, and configurations I had never seen before. My breath found its way into them as well, creating cosmic designs that look more like supernovas and distant galaxies, than the moisture from my body. I have long been curious about the unseen things of the world, and these photos inspired my imagination. Explained, or unexplained, these images show, to me at least, the magic and mystery of life. When I suspend my disbelief, reality shifts and becomes far more rich than I could have imagined. These images became a welcome sign-post for me on my sojourn through this life time. 

Please visit my galleries here

Dancing Lady Dragonfly Labyrinth @ Harmony Farm in North East Kansas

Dragonfly Labyrinth Cropped Oct. 2016Dragonfly Labyrinth Cropped Oct. 2016Google Earth Image

Photograph compliments of Google Earth






]]> (Paul Rudy) Harmony Farm Kansas Kansas City Lawrence Midland Railroad Hotel Wilson orbs photography seeing Sun, 14 May 2017 12:39:01 GMT
"You are safe with me" I feel like i've been on task with my external mission: what it is I came here to bring the world. In 2007, I wrote my first CD In Lake'ch ("I am another yourself" in Mayan). That lead to a series of five more discs, and eventually into a sound healing, meditation, and journey practice that keeps expanding in ways I could never have imagined! In Lake'ch was the first music I wrote that I listened to with excitement. I felt deeply in my bones that this was the music I've been looking for my whole life. And after years of searching for my musical purpose, I knew I had found it. There was safety and contentment in that space as my solar plexus unfurled its golden flag of will, personal strength and a strong sense of musical self.

More recently I've been practicing my internal and personal mission. Our personal mission is about the work we came here to do on the inside. They are not separate. Forward motion on one front, can lead to motion on the other for sure. For me, this internal mission seems infinitely more complicated because the many layers of karmic entanglement are...well, deeply personal. The only way to go there, is to face myself deeply in all of my messiness. And it is not just me that I'm dealing with's all the me's from the past (and maybe even some futures) that sum up my soul journey. And it's all the yous too as we relate to each other! And that makes my head spin... The deeper I get into this mission, however, the less it looks like a chaotic bowl of spaghetti, and more and more like a well-orchestrated spider web. Karmic web I am at the center of mine, and you in the center of yours, and where they overlap, they entangle in the most complex ways imaginable! I don't seek to identify these karmic connections, but awareness of them comes anyway. It's part of the gig, and feels like one big-ass octopus onion, whose tentacles keep reaching out, and smack me upside the head, tripping me up when I least expect them. The good news is, that my head can take it! And the more it does, the more it opens to let my heart take the driver's seat. This is my mission right? So why wouldn't this stuff keep coming up each time I am ready to go deeper into myself and my experience? 

And so, while my personal missions is...well...personal, there are some things along the way I can share. 15 years ago I felt like a wrecking ball moving through this life. When I stepped back and saw the effects, it stopped me in my tracks, and still does when I am reckless and unaware of how I am moving. And each time I find myself in this space, I have learned to stop, reset, and ask for more grace: to walk the Earth more gently. And, in short order, that grace flows.

Yesterday in meditation, when I spoke the phrase "you are safe with me" it brought some of the deepest sorrow I have experienced. It brought to the surface my own broken heart, and the hearts of others, throughout time, that I have had a hand in breaking. The weight of this feels enormous, but the pressure this time, is from the inside out: my heart breaking all over again for forgiveness, from myself, and from all those who I have hurt. And out of this weeping, my whole being began feeling this more gentle walk through life, and around others. And from deep within this weeping, I heard my heart say:

"I am your true source of power. Your solar plexus is a deep well of strength, but I, your heart, am where true power lives. Lead with me in every situation, and, on top of a grounded and creative foundation, with your strength and courage, WE can be a quiet place for everything you encounter."

My mended heartIt is never too late to heal your broken heart.

And so with every fibre of my existence, I strive to align my actions in staying balanced, cohesive, and creating this place where "you are safe with me" and I with you.

]]> (Paul Rudy) Compassion Harmony Farm Kansas Kansas City Lawrence Love Meditation Music Paul Rudy Safe place healing listening seeing Sun, 07 May 2017 12:19:27 GMT
I haven't done this in a while!

Used by Permission of Stephen Smith

It's been years since i've composed in this way. A beautiful text by a friend, simple harmonies and melody... 

Creating has become so much a part of my life. Whether daily sound meditations, building things on the land or making music the old fashioned way, my creativity has been ramping up over the past few year. Something new is coming. And I'm ready.

It's time to look at old things in new ways. So...I took some fence down around my house, and all of a sudden, I could see and feel beyond it. I had no idea what an energy barrier barbed wire fence could be. It prevented me from seeing a bigger picture of what could be. Somehow, I could see beyond it, but I couldn't feel beyond it. Now, my front yard is so much bigger and I feel a part of the larger land that I caretake. So I decided to dedicate this new space with a serpent mound of my own!

I also planted some Osage Orange tree starts in the Harmony Medicine Wheel. These 8 trees will be the foundation of a living lodge, that is intended to serve the next seven generations. They share the space with 4 old Red Oak trees rounds for sitting on: the old in harmony with the new, and each serving in their own way.

Life is like that some times. Old patterns and habits serve us well, until they don't. Then it's time to let them go, creating space for the new to come in. Spring is coming a little early here in Kansas. I'm ready. I'm willing. And I'm able. Let's do this!





See for yourself!

Experience Sound Healing!

Listen to my music!

Feel the land!






]]> (Paul Rudy) Anomalies Composition Harmony Farm Kansas Kansas City LFK Labyrinth Lawrence Meditation Music Orbs Paul Rudy Photography Sound Sound Healing experiencing feeling listening reflecting seeing Sun, 19 Feb 2017 17:19:47 GMT

Used by Permission of Stephen Smith

Seeing requires belief. Experiencing, listening, and feeling are KNOWING. And THAT leads to reflection!

I once read of a culture, I believe in Africa, who experience seeing as a instrument of the will. Of course I can't find reference to it as I type, but it is something that I ponder a lot. What if, instead of "seeing is believing" it were the opposite: "believing is seeing"? There are stories of the 1st Nations People of N. America not being able to see the ships of Columbus floating upon the water, which may, or may not be true. I do know that there are many things in my life that I do not see, until one day, POOF...and there they are where they have been all along, right under my nose! There has been a lot of experimentation about "inattentional blindness" where we don't see things we are not paying attention too. I would take one step further and include things that we don't "think" are possible. The most well-known example is Simons and Chabri's experiment titled Gorillas in our Midst: sustained inattentional blindness for dynamic events. I also believe that we have trouble seeing those things that do not conform to our previous known experience. Thank goodness for artists who always challenge us to see/hear/taste/feel/smell the world differently. -

As a composer and sound artist, I know that what we see influences what we hear, and what we hear influences what we see. I would be out of business if our brain did not lie to us in this fashion. Perhaps lie is too strong of a word. It approximates, and works really hard to make things add up to our previously known experience. Michele Chion coined the term "synchresis" whereby our brain unconsciously fuses (and accepts) images and sound which do not occur together naturally. Indeed, the best film music and sound design relies on this "spontaneous weld" that our mind makes without our conscious permission. When was the last time you saw an orchestra out in the desert as cowboys ride by for example (Mel Brooks Blazing Saddles, not withstanding). 

I invite you to see beyond what you believe. In this time we are all called to use our other senses of hearing, feeling, and experiencing, and reflect beyond what is apparent only on the surface. I have discovered many things living here on the land that I can only half explain. It is that mystery that keeps me interested, thriving and moving forward. It keeps both my brain and my spirit involved. I invite you to share in life's mystery, and not always ask "what is it," but sometimes "how does it make me feel," or "what do I experience through it?" I invite you to explore images taken on my land, mostly at night, but some during the day. These images delve deeply into the unknowing, where seeing is only the beginning of something much deeper waiting to be explored and experienced! 

Architecture of a single breathArchitecture of a single breathPhotograph of a single breath on Halloween Night, 2014

Thanks for stopping by and happy expanding in 2017!

Oh, and I have not forgotten about smelling, tasting and touch. These are just not my area of expertise! I did lead a sound circle for the Romantics club, after an amazing gourmet meal by Asia Kostka in Porto Ercole, Italy, in July, 2011, near the end of my year at the American Academy in Rome! It was a total engagement of the most wonderful full human experience! 

See for yourself!

Experience Sound Healing!

Listen to my music!

Feel the land!


Welcome to my new web space! Please explore at your own pace!




]]> (Paul Rudy) Anomalies Kansas Kansas City Music believing cognition design film inattentional blindness listening photography seeing sound synthesis Fri, 06 Jan 2017 13:00:00 GMT