I feel like i've been on task with my external mission: what it is I came here to bring the world. In 2007, I wrote my first CD In Lake'ch ("I am another yourself" in Mayan). That lead to a series of five more discs, and eventually into a sound healing, meditation, and journey practice that keeps expanding in ways I could never have imagined! In Lake'ch was the first music I wrote that I listened to with excitement. I felt deeply in my bones that this was the music I've been looking for my whole life. And after years of searching for my musical purpose, I knew I had found it. There was safety and contentment in that space as my solar plexus unfurled its golden flag of will, personal strength and a strong sense of musical self.
More recently I've been practicing my internal and personal mission. Our personal mission is about the work we came here to do on the inside. They are not separate. Forward motion on one front, can lead to motion on the other for sure. For me, this internal mission seems infinitely more complicated because the many layers of karmic entanglement are...well, deeply personal. The only way to go there, is to face myself deeply in all of my messiness. And it is not just me that I'm dealing with here...it's all the me's from the past (and maybe even some futures) that sum up my soul journey. And it's all the yous too as we relate to each other! And that makes my head spin... The deeper I get into this mission, however, the less it looks like a chaotic bowl of spaghetti, and more and more like a well-orchestrated spider web. Karmic web I am at the center of mine, and you in the center of yours, and where they overlap, they entangle in the most complex ways imaginable! I don't seek to identify these karmic connections, but awareness of them comes anyway. It's part of the gig, and feels like one big-ass octopus onion, whose tentacles keep reaching out, and smack me upside the head, tripping me up when I least expect them. The good news is, that my head can take it! And the more it does, the more it opens to let my heart take the driver's seat. This is my mission right? So why wouldn't this stuff keep coming up each time I am ready to go deeper into myself and my experience?
And so, while my personal missions is...well...personal, there are some things along the way I can share. 15 years ago I felt like a wrecking ball moving through this life. When I stepped back and saw the effects, it stopped me in my tracks, and still does when I am reckless and unaware of how I am moving. And each time I find myself in this space, I have learned to stop, reset, and ask for more grace: to walk the Earth more gently. And, in short order, that grace flows.
Yesterday in meditation, when I spoke the phrase "you are safe with me" it brought some of the deepest sorrow I have experienced. It brought to the surface my own broken heart, and the hearts of others, throughout time, that I have had a hand in breaking. The weight of this feels enormous, but the pressure this time, is from the inside out: my heart breaking all over again for forgiveness, from myself, and from all those who I have hurt. And out of this weeping, my whole being began feeling this more gentle walk through life, and around others. And from deep within this weeping, I heard my heart say:
"I am your true source of power. Your solar plexus is a deep well of strength, but I, your heart, am where true power lives. Lead with me in every situation, and, on top of a grounded and creative foundation, with your strength and courage, WE can be a quiet place for everything you encounter."
My mended heartIt is never too late to heal your broken heart.
And so with every fibre of my existence, I strive to align my actions in staying balanced, cohesive, and creating this place where "you are safe with me" and I with you.